I am impatient at the best of times, but living this impatience day by day is hard. But this is what we do, we make plans, we accept that some days, even months will be slow but we will get there.
We do this because we have no other option, and if we don't, we become our own worse enemy! And scary Tania Marie, is really scary even to me.
I am learning that I cannot and do not have to have it all now without some hard work from myself. This ideal has been a life long expectation of mine, and this is not a blame comment, but an observation that I was given things as a child, latter on in my childhood and in my early teens, but I was always made to work and pay it back. So now trying to extract myself from that almost living-on-credit upbringing, the one where expecting and having it now, and not saving, waiting and savouring the outcome or purchases so much more, is a really hard learning curb for me, even at my age.
I do to be perfectly honest with you all, struggle with not having it all now. It is a humbling experience not having what I want, when I want it, at my finger tips and to have wait, to fight and to plan, and realise that my back up plan is now me to getting anything, is also very confronting.
This now means I need to plan more intensely for my future, to make it brighter and that now having to look way down that road and struggle for the good is okay.
Confronting but okay.
My plan you ask? Come on give me a break, I just realised I needed one... now I need to formulate that one.