Will it happen, do I want it to happen or more to the point will I allow it to happen?
And then I read, "The higher you build the walls around your heart, the harder you fall when someone tears them down"
But my question is: when you are scared, when you have built those walls and when those walls are all you feel you have, the only thing that has protected you...?
How the hell do you un-build them? They are damn strong walls, a very labour intense construction, and in my case years of solid gut wrenching hard labour have gone into these walls of mine. And in writing this, these same walls have made me feel secure at my lowest point, given me the strength to build me up again, and at the same time giving me a sense, whether it be false or not.... I was not a position to judge, of security.
And now I need to crumble them down, expose myself and make myself, from what I can see peeking out from these walls, vulnerable.
This is the point where I turn, sigh and think it all way to hard.
Easier my way: with the walls intact but also knowing that this wish of together with someone will never happen by limiting my self with these walls I have.
How do I unbuild these walls?