There is this boy, man I suppose; I have long since moved on from boys at my age one would think. Any way the point; there is this boy that I like, who makes me nervous, and I don’t know what the hell to do.
In the first instance this boy may not even like this girl….. Barrier one thousand two hundred and seventy three!
Back to my girl chat, she says I have changed, up until lately my barriers have been so high, so guarded, so “allow noone in who has one of those attachments called penis’s anyway near my core”; now after all of this self protecting, how do I change this “nil tolerance” to “partial or full tolerance”?
My hardest struggle is as soon as someone of the opposite sex starts to get close to my heart, hmmmmmmmmmmmm truthfully they are not even close to the beat of my heart; they can have only infiltrated the peripheral aura that I do something so out of character, that it frightens them away. But it protects me; it does not allow me to feel, to hurt, to wish…
2007, 15th November to be exact, is the day I broke it off, 2012 almost 5 years later and I am still afraid, so very bloody afraid!
But anyway, she said my attitude is changing; my wanting is becoming different…. I HOPE SO, I really do hope so!! xx
And my question is what is healing; how do we heal, how do we become half of that woman we once were?
This is what I hope to discover, the path to healing, to smile and believing again!