- That Night
- That night that you realised maybe, just maybe, you need to be honest with yourself.
- That same night that you realise you do hold a whole lot of hideous feelings for someone. I can’t bring myself to label it with hate only because I have always put myself at pegs and pegs higher than being the hateful person.
- And the same night that your normal switch off and blocking vice doesn't work.
Yep that night…. Well I recently, after all the sleepless nights, got intimate with That Night.
As I type this and reflect on my thoughts of that night and how incredibly confronting I found it was when my normal blockers didn’t work, is that the night one decides to change vices and things go wrong like really wrong. Well I haven’t changed my vice, it is just another thought in reflection of that night but not what I started to share in writing this and for the record, also something I have no interest in is getting a stronger vice or blocker.
I am just getting help.
Those times, the ones we really know that that thing, whatever it may be, mine is human yours may not be, is really a bigger deal than you prided yourself in it being in your life is hard, it is really a very hard time or moment to come to terms with.
Because with this hard comes a whole other exposure, a new journey: one that I know isn’t one I want to even attempt to climb because if I am perfect honest, life has been really good of late and I am a different person than I was pulling myself through those bad times. I really aren’t sure if I can do this because these days my walls aren’t as strong and controlling as they were back then and I may need… I aren’t sure if I want to need support or help.
See That Night and those thoughts exposed me to me.
But I know I have to… because That Night with That Person(s) invading my thoughts and emotions isn’t worth one once of my time and the day of reckoning is now here.
I will get there, just as you will, but it will be a confronting tearful journey so as much as I think I can’t do this I am telling myself the following (and very harshly):
“Harden up, pull your head together girl, you have got yourself through so much and with bruises and broken bones… this, this is you doing what is right. This time it will only be tears, no bruises or broken bones just tears. So you got this, you really do”
Confronting times ahead but I can do this xx