It came up in conversation this weekend, or maybe I started the conversation with a friend of mine about how I was tired of looking after myself, organising my insurances, my car services, my finances, upgrading my Foxtel, phoning my internet providers to change my policies, paying the rent, washing my car....... just how tired I was and that I wished I had someone to help.
But he said with a certain look on his face "would I allow someone to make decisions for me...............?" "No" was my reply; it is not that I want someone to do it all for me, I just want to share the head space of looking after me... someone to care, not to control. To do this together, I am sick of everything been up to me. But I am a very pigheaded, stubborn individual that scares and sane male away before he would even contempt these kind of things for me!! And I totally get this too..... do not worry, I am aware, of these traits of mine! Me is all I have had to rely on for such along time though, how do you change this mind set, this barrier, this protection FORCE FIELD THE SIZE OF AFRICA and allow the simple things in life like "help" I say I want them but can I, will I, allow someone to do this for me? My journey to heal, my journey to give back to myself what someone took from me.
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tania marie- a perpetual child, Archives
February 2019
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